Still unemployed, still looking. I’m down to this feeling of malaise that sometimes borders on a panic attack… mainly from thinking about the bills.
When I’m not thinking about bills, I’m finding myself doing a lot of thinking about what I need to do next.
World of Warcraft makes it a little easier to put the thoughts out of my mind for a few hours, but it’s slowly getting so nothing can truly make me stop thinking about it. It’s completely impossible to even feel like playing with my site, even though it needs it. There’s just too much quiet time, I guess.
I’ve been working so hard and for what? Nothing so far. *sigh* I have all those student loans and no job and no prospects to show for it. I admit… I’m more than a little burnt out. For the past 10 years, each and every month has been a battle. And I’m tired.
I’m a computer programming and web design student. I enjoy both the code and the graphics, which is why I’ve chosen Web Design and Development. (Though; frankly, if I can even be doing something with computers I’m reasonably happy.) The problem here in Michigan is that most job openings in what I want to do require a minimum of 3 years doing this sort of stuff in an actual business setting, plus a bachelor’s degree. There’s quite a lot of job titles like Senior Designer, Senior Programmer, Senior Analyst, Senior Developer… almost nothing for Entry Level or Junior.
The economic situation isn’t making living easy in any state but Michigan is creeping up to a 10% unemployment rate. Given the emphasis, even today, on the auto industry in this state I really am scared to think what might happen if one of the Detroit Three goes under. Almost all we hear about is the Auto Industry and Healthcare for area jobs. Do I stay in Michigan and attempt to find just any job? (And I know myself… I’ll quickly become frustrated since I’m not doing what I’ve been working towards.) Or, do I count my losses and move out of state?
I’m beginning to feel that I’ve been taken in by some great scam in regards to Baker College Online. I go to college to learn how to do things related to my chosen career. While I understand a lot of this is supposed to be the foundations so I can learn the different languages on my own, a lot of the courses seem to be a sampler. Beyond the samplers, I’m supposed to learn everything on my own. That’s thousands of dollars beyond college I just don’t have. Many instructors I’ve had aren’t really teaching, they’ve just been there to grade the papers (maybe).
I keep finding myself being presented with material that assumes you’re already in the field, not attempting to learn it. I voiced my concerns and found myself ridiculed by my classmates. However, that could also be my classmates attempting to fulfill the college’s “participation” requirement and criticism comes easily for many people. Back at Central Michigan University, I was able to attend class and many times I didn’t have to speak. I just handed my work in, passed the exams, life went on. So, do I continue with Baker College Online or do I go back to a physical campus? I already lost my financial aid because I couldn’t complete the internship, though I believe I still have an appeal left. Do I really want to fight for my financial aid when I’m not getting the support from the college in the first place?
I know I can’t stop going to college. That Bachelor’s degree is something I need in this world… and it will likely be manditory in the economic world after we get through this mess.
On the subject of relationships…. *sigh* Dating on the whole is just a stress I don’t need right now. A lot of guys want to look at only one facet of my personality and ignore the rest. My diabetes doesn’t help either. The first time I have a Low around them, their inner Knight in Shining Armor or Superman comes out wanting to save me when all I need is a regular soda and a bag of chips to stabilize my blood sugar levels. Then there’s the aggression towards other males or the suddenly fragile egos. It makes me want to whack them a few times with a rolled up newspaper.