Simply, Sally

First thing this morning, I’m woken up by the phone. It’s Sue, wanting to know my decision.

So much for having time to think about my father’s estate. Less than 48 hours later, my dad’s trailer is completely cleaned out, fixed up, and ready to sell. My jaw literally dropped. That doesn’t happen overnight. Meaning she had no intention of giving us the option of getting anything from it in the first place. “Thinking” about it only applied to the money and probably only because of the laws governing this.

Great.

I never did get the chance to call our CPA or the probate court, and Theresa didn’t get a chance to get back with me. Gee! Thanks, Sue. We had been seriously considering requesting the genealogy things. So much for that idea. Somehow, I kept my temper in check and told her in a tone as gracious as I could muster that I wanted her to have the money as compensation for the investment she made in taking care of my father.

I know we were going to let the State take everything and that I didn’t want to bother with it, but I have been so angry about this all day long. Why the hell did she even suggest that we think it over and discuss it when she was just going to pull this anyway? These sort of games were the reason we started avoiding that side of the family to begin with. Mom and Jass has been trying to get me to see the bright side. That being that aside from signing a waiver from the probate court, we shouldn’t have to do anything else.

Later today, I ran into one of my relatives at the grocery store. She offered me her condolences and I thanked her coolly. She apparently interpreted this as me being grief-stricken and pulls his “poor dear” crap on me. I ended up being a touch brittle with her, because I am just SO sick and tired of dealing with my father’s side of the family and their damn games.

Oh, you did not just go there. Aunt Sue, you did not just try to play a guilt trip on me.

She didn’t say anything overtly, her tone of voice and the way she said things that said “guilt trip.”

The crap over my father’s estate continues. Sue definitely wants me to take it over. She’s pushing the idea of money, but there’s something else and I don’t know what. (I’m also getting really tired of her acting like I’m supposed to know who this Tony is.) I don’t want his stuff. I couldn’t get through to our CPA today, so my tax questions didn’t get answered and I want that before I call the probate court. Theresa also promised me to ask her sister-in-law, who’s a lawyer, some questions regarding this sort of thing.

Jass pointed out that we were supposed to get the genealogy stuff as per the court agreement; or at least copies. I cringe at the thought of losing family albums and stuff because I know how important those are. But the way Sue is going, if I say that all I want is the photos and genealogy things she’ll use it as leverage or something. Nothing — not the money, not mom’s ring, nor the genealogy — is worth this. I’m exhausted after I get off the phone with her. I don’t want to discuss it. I want this to be over.

I want to do yoga or tai-chi, drink some tea, meditate, and find my quiet spot again. He’s dead. Let me bury this part of my life and move on. I’m tired of laying in bed and suddenly remembering all the nasty things from back then.

As I told Theresa last night; it’s a very tempting fantasy to go over to the trailer with a box of matches and be done with it.

I swear, they’re on a campaign to make me crack. Yesterday, I went down to the mortuary and signed off on the cremation. (No, I’m not an Ice Queen. While he’s biologically my father, he’s a stranger to me. kthxbai.) After chasing around Grand Rapids, I then spent the rest of the evening exhausted. I fell into bed at midnight, woke up briefly at 7am to hit the bathroom, and passed out until noon.

*sigh* So much for my math test…

This afternoon, I received another phone call from the mortuary to let me know that Aunt Sue wanted me to contact her. Now she wants me to handle his estate. What the…? Here I thought, as per our discussion the other night, that we were letting the State take everything. She apparently wants me to become the executor of his estate because someone named “Tony” desperately wants his trailer. (From the context, I’m guessing this is a relative I’m supposed to know — despite being estranged for 16 years. *sighs, shrugs*)

According to Sue, my dad’s trailer is worth about $2000, his bank account has about $600, plus whatever belongings I/we could sell off or anything.

Supposedly, probate court said that because he doesn’t have much in the way of assets, there is no financial liability for his heirs. Supposedly, his creditors can’t come after us for his debts. Supposedly, if I do this I/we get some $2600 with no strings attached.

Forgive me if I’m not exactly excited. My student loans alone are already well above the 10-grand mark. If his creditors come after us, we’re sunk before we even set sail.

I politely told Sue that I needed time to think. What I didn’t tell her is that I’m either calling or going down to probate court myself, so I can get the story right from the source. I’m also calling our CPA/Tax Preparer and finding out if there’s any tax liability. Frankly, I don’t trust Sue. I absolutely do not trust her.

Well, hopefully I can bury this chapter of my life. Got a set of pissy e-mails from a cousin demanding that I sign off on some paperwork for my father. Thing is, she kept sending them to my mom’s e-mail which isn’t usually checked until Friday. Only reason I checked it tonight was because I was updating her e-mail client.

*sighs* Gave Kathy my e-mail and warned her not to send me forwards or chain letters (like she’s constantly sending to my mom.)

I really hate my family. I remained civil when I called Aunt Sue, but I kind of got a little brittle with the mortuary. 16 years worth of bad blood has been doing an awful lot of boiling in my house.

Anyway, called Sue and asked her what I needed to do. I don’t have the finances to handle burying him nor handling his possessions. Frankly, there’s nothing I really want. He was a heavy chain smoker, so anything in the place would need to be professionally cleaned before I could touch it.

The only thing I want back is my mother’s ring, which he stole back when we were 12. I doubt it’s in the house. I really think he threw it away or flushed it down the toilet or something. But he was such an awful pack rat hoarder, part of me wonders if it isn’t in the house somewhere. Still, I doubt it and that wonder isn’t enough for me to dig through his things. The State can have all of it.

Turns out in Michigan, it’s illegal to cremate someone without permission from the next of kin. So they need me to sign off so they can cremate his body. Fine fine. First thing tomorrow, I’ll go down and sign off so they can do what they need to.

We really want to deal with this.

EDIT: 16 years, not 18. Finally found the right paper and checked the date.